Talk:Takashi Suzugamori/@comment-30807545-20151025174251
Hello, hello~! This is your friendly DSR reviewer, Alphy! Anyways, the reason why I'm here to to do a total review of your character in hopes that you can improve them later on. I've gotten permission to do this by my partners-in-crime & two of the admins. Don't worry though, I'll make this as brief as possible as to not waste any of our time! I will try to be as cordial about this as possible. Yes, I DO have biases with some things related to the character, but that's just me. Not starting an argument, but here to help. That's my job as a reviewer and all :P I should add that I'm just doing this for your character and two others that many users (including myself) have a slight problem with, in one way or another. So yeah, all that shit and then some. However, I should tell you that each of your reviews will be different from one another because of the obvious :3 So without further ado, lets begin~ 1. Grammar & Formatting - Wow. Where do I even begin with this? I'm assuming that English is not your native language, is it? I mean, I would understand if you're a beginner on this site, but going by the time you've joined and your edit count, I would say otherwise. Aru, Damon, Per, and Ash all have gripes with Takashi when it comes to this. You have soooo many grammatical errors and misspellings in this article that it's not even funny. Have you looked at Wendy Marvell (LastationLover5000)? You should when you get the time. See how it's free of any grammatical errors. Also, I'm looking at the previous comments here, and there was two or three users that noticed the same thing (Kinda feels like I'm repeating here. But oh well.), but let's not get into that. It feels like you HAVEN'T changed a thing on this article as much in that regard. I've looked at your edit history & it confirms my suspicions. Dude, as a fellow user, I'm telling you this now: take some time & read over Takashi's article carefully. Don't dilly-dally. The sooner you get this done, the less complaints that other users will have with him. I've heard others say how bad this article is in terms of grammar & that he's hard to read. Frankly, I can agree with them. I mean, you know better. At least I think you do. Moving on, I think you should also change the infobox for Takashi, since this one kinda throws off the entire article as a whole. Use this if you want. It's free use & is what most admins suggest that new users use in their articles. But that's me. Also, some of the information in there can be put in the History section, such as his wife being dead and all that shit. Also, it's best that you say that he's a "Widower" since she was married to him at the time of her death. With the magic section of the infobox, don't put Kanji in there. That's what you have the Magic section of the article for. In terms of Kanji, it should be something like this: Sword of Retaliation (腹癒の剣, Haraise no Tsurugi) (Credit goes to Aru :P) The main name in bold, the kanji on the left side and the romanji on the right side in italicized. I noticed that MANY of your translations don't follow this pattern. Don't know why Aha doesn't pick up on this, but ehh. Anywhores, your translations also need some work. It's either inaccurate or all over the place. If you want good kanji, use something like Nihongodict or a similar kanji-based site. I should probably add that you shouldn't bold names of characters. Kinda looks improper in my opinion. Again, follow the link I've provided you to see what I mean. 2. Magic - Oh lord, now this will be a doozy. There are some things here in this section that worries me (and various other users). Going back, certain people noticed that you're basically making a rip-off of Madara Uchiha (which is possibly one of the worse ideas out there considering how broken he is as a character), thus TOLD you to change some things. First off is this: :Slowed Aging - Due to side-effects of the Rejuvenation Ritual after the treatment, felt his body feeling better then ever, however it was stated later on, that when this type of Ritual is preformed it shown to slow down aging in the body due to cells in the body being exposed to Liquidized Eternano seem to have the side effect of slowing his aging overtime. The reason why, it was explain he was able to live through this possess was merely due to his insane amount of power and endurance. I think you should get rid of this entirely. Not only does this make absolutely no sense, but it seems to be overpowered. Ash, Per, Aru, and Damon agrees with me on this fact wholeheartedly when I spoke to them about it and read it. I assume that this is part of the previous comments made by Takashi some time back, but never bothered to change him. As I said, get rid of it. Second, and considered to be the entire quagmire of this article is this: :Sacred Spirit Magic (神聖な鎧の魔法, Dibiin Supirito Majiku) This form version of sacred spirit that merges is a form of into his Eye Magic, instead of the normal version, to summon a spiritual avatar around his body. He calls it "The Eyes of Divine" during which he can perform, it would form of magic lets an massive warrior spirit or it can manifests it's limbs of the sacred spirit itself to aid him in combat. As many users stated, admins included, this & its various techniques classified under it are basically a rip-off of the Susano'o & other Mangekyo techniques. I take it that your Eyes of the Divine is based off of the Sharingan and its various evolutions. The admins told you to take it down completely & refused to do so. Surprised they didn't do anything. Probably forgot. But I'm here as a fellow examiner and judge of this year's DSR. TAKE. IT. OFF. I mean it. If it's not removed by the time the DSR starts, then Takashi is automatically disqualified & he will not be able to partake in next year's DSR, no complaints. Aru & Damon agreed on this with me, so it also comes out of their mouths. I should state that the admins told yo to remove it before, so think of it as a sort-of warning from all of us. Third, involves your DSM (you should get the abbreviation for this, right?). Again, look at Aha's Wendy to see how that's formatted. The main problem with this is the formatting and the misinterpretation with one of your... techniques: Fire Dragon God: Omega Dragon Roar (紅蓮火オメガドラゴン咆哮, Guren Omega doragon hōkō). Not only is it overpowered in naming, but some of its effects are kinda... sketchy. I should add that I don't see any Dragon Slayer Arts. I'm assuming that this and ones label Crimson Lotus are it? If so, then put them in a section by itself so that it's not bunched up together. You should expand on how Takashi uses his Fire Dragon Slayer magic; this way, people would have a better understanding of how it functions for him. Look at Genghis Breningoch & Damon D. Draco for examples. It seems to me that this magic is merely an add-on. If you add in your own description on it, it would make it look like the main focus of Takashi's magic arsenal. Fourth is with your other magic. In naming, you don't have to put the name of the magic and then the technique. It's unnecessary. I should add that you should resize you gifs and pics, as to not throw off the balance of the article. That way, it's not as much of an eyesore. Also, take out the bold in your descriptions of the pictures. It's another eyesore. If you need help re-sizing the gifs, go to ezgif.com/resize. That's the basic jist of things. As I said, if you fix these minor issues and take some of the suggestions that I put down here (some of which were suggested by other users), you character would look more... presentable. Again, it's up to you to follow this review guide; If you do, then hooray! If you don't, then.... hope that the characters doesn't rub people the wrong way or give people ideas that will in-turn give admins a headache. Anyways, this is also so that you can enter and NOT possibly get disqualified in next year's DSR (i.e. Improve your chances). Welp, that's it for me. I'm outties~